Day 7: CONFIDENCE (The July “I Believe…” Challenge)

by Dani Fake Webb on July 7, 2010

(If you’re new to this challenge, take a look at the intro video explaining the concept.
You can get more details on how to participate.
And click here for the daily categories.)

Today’s Category: Confidence

I believe that confidence can be easily confused with arrogance.
I believe that people who lack confidence are often intimidated or threatened by people who have it.
I believe that self-confidence is one of the greatest tools to creating a life we love.

It is this third belief I want to focus on in this post. See, one of the most common themes that shows up in my coaching practice is a lack of self-confidence in my clients. Even people who appear to be “together” seem to struggle with this underneath it all. It is one of the things that can keep people stuck.

Why is self-confidence necessary to develop? That question is a bit of a misnomer. I don’t believe self-confidence needs to be developed. I believe everyone is born with self-confidence – it is life that beats it out of us. I mean think about it: You are the only you that exists in the entire history of the world. NO ONE can be you, and no one can do you better than you do you. Right? So what is there not to be self-confident about!?

It is possible to not be confident in your ability to do something. I am pretty soufflesure I will never be confident enough to fly an airplane. Or build a house. Or make a soufflé. But these are abilities. Very different from who I am.

Pilot, carpenter, cook – I do not have confidence to do those things. But I do have confidence to be who I am.

See the difference?

If you want to develop a skill, learn it and practice it. (OK, I probably could develop confidence in my ability to make a soufflé. But do I want to? That’s a whole ‘nother post!) But for self-confidence? Just be who you are. Without apology.

Simple. “Just be who you are.” So incredibly simple. But not at all easy.

eccentricI get it. We live in a world where we are judged all the time. What we say, what we do, what we wear, how we move, what we look like, choice we make… the list goes on and on. And I have a core belief that one of the greatest drives of the human soul is to matter. When we suffer the judgments of others, our ability to matter can feel threatened. (That is a bit of a lie, but a story we tell ourselves nonetheless.)

So what do we do? In an unconscious effort to matter, we often shut down who we are. We bend, curl, contort and twist ourselves in order to create a sense of security that we will be accepted. The sad irony here is that if it is our muted-down, contorted selves that are accepted by others, we have actually created a situation where our true desire to matter and be accepted for who we are is not met. We are being accepted for someone that we really are not. (Did you follow that?)

Why do we do this to ourselves?

This post is not the place to answer that question. It is just a fact – we do do this to ourselves. And, we can undo it.

One of my greatest passions in life is helping people discover who they were created to be. To really be. Finding and nurturing self-confidence and a solid sense of self is one way I live out this passion (both in my own life and with my clients.) I believe this is so important because when you mold yourself into something or someone that, at your core, you are really not, you stifle your ability to live to your fullest potential. You smother the purpose in your life (which is to be you). You compromise a life of fulfillment and, yes, mattering.

Find your self-confidence (it’s in there!). Live the life you were created to live. What are you waiting for?

Until next time, may you love  your life today.

Dani-Signature

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Dani Fake Webb is a coach, retreat facilitator, speaker, and writer. She is also the founder of Destination: Life!, a company dedicated to helping people discover their passion, live their purpose, and love their life.  If you want to learn more about living a fulfilled, purposeful life, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to the Destination: Life! E-Zine. Just click here: http://danifakewebb.com/newsletter. Or, contact Dani directly at info@danifakewebb.com.

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Ellen Stoune July 9, 2010 at 3:02 am

Wow! Brilliant!! When I am tempted to put on that heavy shell of who-I-am-not because who-I-am wants to hide, I am going to refer back to the wisdom of your words, Dani. Thank you!

Annie Wolfe July 10, 2010 at 2:01 am

I believe when I am still is when I become curious about who I am and what I will become, and through that interest I begin to observe, and in the observation I become aware of how special I am, and from that awareness I accept myself, and that is when I become confident in myself.

I also believe that one of the greatest challenges in life is to let myself observe who I am through no agenda or prescribed lens, but as I truly am, just to see myself.

I believe I have an inner longing to delight in myself, and I believe that if I let myself delight in who I am, I will not be able to contain my confidence in myself.

Kirk Webb July 10, 2010 at 9:03 pm

Confidence
I believe that false confidence is arrogant and annoying. True confidence is a natural byproduct of self-care, living in the center of one’s passions, and peacefulness. Encountering someone who is living with true confidence is a calm, encouraging, and inspiring experience. When we are confident we can set aside our personal agenda and care for others because we are not being governed by anxiety and the need to prove ourselves.

Dani Fake Webb July 12, 2010 at 10:01 pm

Annie: “I believe I have an inner longing to delight in myself, and I believe that if I let myself delight in who I am, I will not be able to contain my confidence in myself.” Big smile. :)

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