OTHERS’ OPINION OF YOU (Day 22: The July “I Believe…” Challenge

by Dani Fake Webb on July 22, 2010

Today’s Category: Others’ Opinion of You

(If you’re new to this challenge, take a look at the intro video explaining the concept.
You can get more details on how to participate.
And click here for the daily categories.)

What it means to be human

I believe a significant part of human nature is the need to be accepted.
I believe a large part of what it means to be human is to be in community.
I believe in the most primitive part of our being lives a fear of being totally alone.

Each of these things contributes to the deep need we have to seek the approval of others. And I do not think this is necessarily a bad thing. I mean, of course we want to be accepted by others. Of course we want to be in community. Of course we do not want to live life totally alone.

I also believe that attempting to control others’ opinions of us drives our behavior. We will often say something we don’t really mean, or not say something we really want to, or choose any number of behaviors in an attempt to control the way others see us.

acceptance_hto2008The issue is not in our need to be accepted. I think it is a core part of human nature to care about the opinions that others hold of us.

The issue, rather, is in whose opinions are driving our behavior.

The absolute first step as you consider this question is to know what YOU believe. If there were no possibility of judgment from anyone, what do you want? What would you do? How would you act? Where would you live? On what would you spend your money? Who would your friends be?

You must listen to your Authentic Self and let her inform the life you are meant to live.

Then, once that is clear (no small feat), you can start to pay attention to what stops you from living that life. Likely, you will find that at least part of what holds you back is what others think of you.

It is at this point you have a choice to make. You can continue to live your life for those “others” who are in the way of the life you really want (the path of least resistance). Or, you can find more “others” who will support the life you want to live.

Note: I did not say you have to get rid of all “others” in your life who are preventing you from living the life you want. (Though sometimes that is necessary). There can be great value in growing a relationship by stepping up to what you really want. Doing so requires the other person to respond to your new way of being in the relationship, and this has the potential to be a fabulous thing for the relationship.

titre_en1Now, some will say, “Who cares what others think! Live YOUR life!” And yes, there is a lot of truth in that. However, I believe it is important to acknowledge that it is important to us what other people think. But, (and this is critical) if what others think is in conflict with the life you are meant to live, you need to find other others who will support your Authentic Self.

Let me encourage you to read that again. 😀

Here’s my bottom line.

First and foremost we need to totally let go of what others think while we listen to the voice inside of us that knows the life we are meant to live.

~AND~

We must acknowledge that what others think of us is important. I believe it is silly to think we can ever really not care about that.

~AND~

We need to find the right “others.” Others who will support and encourage.

If you find you are not living the life you are meant to live because you are concerned about what others will think of you, then you have not found the right others.

Keep looking. Get clear, and they will come.

Until next time, may you love your life today.

Dani-Signature

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Dani Fake Webb is a coach, retreat facilitator, speaker, and writer. She is also the founder of Destination: Life!, a company dedicated to helping people discover their passion, live their purpose, and love their life.  If you want to learn more about living a fulfilled, purposeful life, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to the Destination: Life! E-Zine. Just click here: http://danifakewebb.com/newsletter. Or, contact Dani directly at info@danifakewebb.com.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Renae C. July 23, 2010 at 7:22 pm

Love the thought of finding the right others. That is exactly what we are doing here….

Annie Wolfe July 24, 2010 at 2:27 am

Deep down in my soul I believe I’m going to be okay, and somehow that I’m safe wherever life takes me. I do not believe I’ll be spared pain, or that my road will be an easy one, but that I’ll make it to where I need to go. This is what I’m rooted in.
I believe other’s opinions do not define me or make me what I am. I am who I am.
Also……..
I believe a smile can bring me up, and a frown can take me down.
I believe as humans we long for the good opinions of others deep within us.
I believe opinions are powerful, those others have of us, and the ones we have of others, but even more powerful is the opinion we have of ourself. I believe if that is sound, than we will keep coming back to safety. But if it is shaky, than I believe we will always be shaken by other’s opinions.

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